Ducks In A Tub

Feelin' good

2007-04-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Heard the heartbeat of darling #3 yesterday. It never ceases to amaze me what a thrill it is to hear the heartbeat like that. Listen to me; I sound like a grizzled old veteran. Geesh.

There's really not a whole lot to report. The Husband and I keep transcribing and kid-raising away our 2007. We're doing great in the business, and Blue Eyes is starting to take 4 or 5 steps on her own.

Now, I'm going back to bed. That sounds good just typing it...

I know, it's been so long...

2007-02-27T21:56:00.000-08:00

Since I last posted. Between transcription, Blue Eyes and The Talker, and the yucky-yuckies from the first month of preggo, I've been up to my eyes in stuff.

Even the down times are busy. There's a huge Netflix queue of movies that the husband and I haven't seen yet, and it's calling my name right now.

But I'm too tired, and that's the other thing. I need to sleep. More. This daylight saving time change thing from April to March couldn't have come at a worse time.

Oh, well. At least, this is the most to gripe about. Nice, eh?

Quick note

2007-02-09T18:12:00.000-08:00

We discovered some shocking and unexpected, yet delightful news yesterday. I'm pregnant again! This wasn't quite in the "plan," so to speak, but we're thrilled to welcome another member to our active and entertaining family. The kids are, of course, too young to understand that they will have another sibling, but once the wee one arrives in October I'm sure sounds of "bee-bee" will fill the house.

I'm feeling great. I just have to take good care of myself so I don't get confined to rest like I did with Blue Eyes. The Talker will be 2 1/2 when Little Precious is born, and Blue Eyes will be 20 months. As if we didn't already have our hands full...

I timed it

2007-01-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

You ever feel pride at the silliest things?

So The Husband and I are taking a break to watch silly TV, aka Prison Break and Heroes.

And I timed the catch perfectly.

I called it 10 seconds before it happened. I counted down to it, 3, 2, 1... and it happened just like I called it.

So let it be written. So let it be done. I rule.

Success? No way!

2007-01-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we decided to start this transcription business a little bit before Christmas. We didn't actually start the business at that point, we just decided to start it. We made a few preemptory phone calls in an attempt to start the solicitation process, but since it was "the holiday season" we didn't have much resonse.

During the first week of January we went full board and really hit the marketing hard. We are not naive - we realized that it takes a while to build some decent business.

Then ---- oh, then --- this week started.

We have acquired three clients this week, two of whom are HUGE and our calculations for this month show that we will make at least $2000, if not more. That's half our montly expenses! We can hardly believe how successful this little venture is turning out in such a short time.

There still remains a lot to be seen, but what a great start.

Oh, and by the way, we celebrated our three year wedding anniversary this week....happy us :-)

And the kids are practically all recovered from their first-of-the-year bout with illness.

January Not-So-Blues

2007-01-10T07:43:00.000-08:00

You know, I love the holidays. I love when we all get together. I love the stories, and the food, and the specials, and even the games. (Yes, dear; I will watch football. You didn't have to twist my arm...But I digress-)

It's that period between New Year's and Martin Luther King that really kinda messes up everything for the first quarter of the year.

Everybody gets sick.
Everybody's mail gets lost, because it's picked back up again.
Everybody's kids go back to school, so most of them are miserable.
There are certain parts of the country that will be guaranteed to have strange weather.
It's really, really nice in Southern California.

I find these things happen in a recurring cycle every year. This year is different, though, because of Blue Eyes and The Talker. This period will be marked by The Talker's improved talking, Blue Eyes' standing (possibly, we'll see), and both of them finally getting over their cold blues. This year's going to be different. I like this different. A lot.

And it starts...

2007-01-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

A side business, that is.

The Husband and I are determined to do our own thing. We've taken several transcription gigs off Craigslist in the last couple months, and we've decided we're going to run with this.

Take a look at our website. www.nobletranscription.com.

No voice

2007-01-05T06:08:00.000-08:00

The worst part of recovering from a cold has GOT to be the body ache at the end of it. Robbing you of any energy you feel like you should have, the body ache makes my joints tense, my back tighten, and my mood swing - from lazy to lazier. I'm surprised I can even type, with the way I feel.

Now comes the worst part, though, which, not 28 seconds previous I thought was the body ache: I've lost my voice. Impossible! I need my voice! How dare something (one) take it away from me! Now, my husband thinks I'm a low talker, and my kids look at me funny.

This had better all clear up soon, before it starts up again.

Getting over things (?!?)

2007-01-03T09:26:00.002-08:00

The true test of any serious relationship really, really, is -

Will your significant other be able to deal with the things I like that they don't? And will their reaction be satisfactory to me?

I expect The Husband to understand that I'm not going to rush over to the TV except a run is scored, or a field goal is kicked (kicked, yes, that's right), and all that other sports stuff. After almost five years of knowing him, I feel he's finally getting the hang of it. I call it maturity. Also, I am satisfied with his pleasant "How cute!" when he looks at a new outfit that I just bought Blue Eyes. I know he doesn't care, really, but at least he doesn't say "I don't care", or "I'm ambivalent." I call that maturity, too.

What about yourselves? Do you think this is maturity, or maybe complacency? I'm just wondering.

Happy (???) New Year

2007-01-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

Well, geesh, what's so different? Both the kids are still sick. The Husband isn't permanently employed.

Rose Parade? Heh.

Bowl games? Don't mention it. Please.

The weather? Don't want to hear it.

I'm fine, really; it's just a downer when the kids get sick. You're practically doomed to getting sick yourself. But, here's a nice family pic from The Husband's side.

Come and count with me

2006-12-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

"Let's count," I say to The Talker several times a day.

I hold up one finger at a time as he says, "Whaaa...Choo...Fo,"

"Three," I correct him.

"Fee," he dutifully repeats, then continues, "Fo...Fie!" When the final number has reached its exclamatory conclusion we wrap up the lesson with a hearty high-five.

Blue Eyes observes from her seat and patiently waits to be included in the hand slapping portion of the fun.

Learning our numbers. I'm a proud parent!

Weekend review

2006-12-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

The weekend's events went perfectly smooth. My sister's bridal shower was a huge success. We had a nice turnout, the food was good (if I do say so myself), and everyone enjoyed the games as far as I could tell.

One celebration followed the other and in the evening we had a birthday party for my 4 year old sister. She was so cute opening her presents and everything she unwrapped was warmly welcomed as a new treasure. She got all sorts of fun stuff: dress up hats with matching gloves, miniature cooking utensils (including a just-her-size muffin pan that is oven safe!), a bucket full of pretend food...I watched the wrapping come off her gifts and I yearned for Blue Eyes to be a little older so that I would have a reason to buy all these fun toys. For her. Yeah, her. Not me...

Anyway, yesterday (Sunday) I typed all day to reach my 20 page goal for the book I am ghostwriting. I sent the first submission to the guy I am working for and I have waited all day to hear back from him. I'm a bit anxious to find out if my style is acceptable for the project and I'm on pins and needles to know if I'll get this break into a new possibility for at-home work. More updates later...

Putting it together

2006-12-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

Busy day today. I'm off to my parents' house bright and early, with the kids (hubby has the day to himself before a job this evening). I'm going to have a great time hosting my sister's bridal shower.

After one happy event is over, we are sticking around for the second joyous occasion of the day. My little sister's 4th birthday. (No, that is not a typo, I do have a 4 year old sister.)

One place to go, lots of things to do, and many smiles to photograph! :-)

How do single moms do it?

2006-12-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really amaze myself. It's too bad that such beauteous accomplishment comes at an exhausting price. I put the kids to bed a few minutes ago, a relieving end to a day full of activity. Let me explain. I am hosting my sister's bridal shower tomorrow...at my mother's house. So, not only did I have to get all the food and games put together today, but I had to assemble them all in neat little packages to take over to my mom's in the morning and set up for the party. Here's a little list of what I did today:

Go to Wal-Mart for stuff, with the kids
Go to Sam's Club for stuff, with the kids
Drop the cold food off at home and (thankfully) leave the kids home with Husband
Go to Albertson's for a few items
Get home and take care of lunch (Husband helped feed kids, but I made him a sandwich while juggling the rest of it)
Put kids to bed
Assemble games and prizes for the shower
Say goodbye to Husband, who will be gone the rest of the evening
Kids get up from naps too early and are still cranky
Arrange all party food in the kitchen for easy access
Kids are still cranky so we have early dinner
Yeah, dinner for two helpless miniatures...use your imagination
Make brownies and accidentally leave vegetable oil container badly sealed and in reach of The Talker
Clean up vegetable oil mess
Trim and cube 5 pounds of chicken breast
Cook chicken on the stove (for yummy chicken quesadilla lunch tomorrow)
Get brownies out of the oven
Bathe Blue eyes
Bathe The Talker
Wash a sink full of dirty dishes
Play with kids for a few minutes
Put kids to bed
Sigh -- deeply --

Oh, and did I mention that someone has hired me to ghostwrite a book? They need to turn a screenplay into a novel and I'm the person for the job. The first 20 pages are due for review on Monday.

The more funner things

2006-11-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I haven't been more posty of recent. It's been really busy around here, what with the Thanksgiving long weekend, and the recent bout of coughs and colds that just shuttled through here. But, here I am, onward.

Do you remember when you first experienced something really cool, like when your first child learns something unexpected? You just want to hang on to that moment as long as you can, before it becomes just a memory. Of course, you'll retell the story of that moment over and over again, but you very rarely will feel the same.

The Talker loves the Dr. Seuss book, "Mr. Brown can MOO! Can You!" There is a page where Mr. Brown can make the knock of a door sound. The Talker always makes a fist and hits the cardboard book, and smiles and laughs. Yesterday, the Husband was reading Mr. Brown with The Talker and Blue Eyes together, in the other room. As I was writing an e-mail, the Husband yelled to me, "April! Get in here! And don't let them see you!" I rushed in, apprehensive but excited. I snuck up on the kids and Daddy behind the couch. As Hubby read the knocking page, The Talker did his commonplace knock...

and Blue Eyes reached out and open-hand knocked on the page.

I was stunned, and even more so when the Husband told me it wasn't a fluke, because she had just done it two minutes before. In a moment, I had the joy I felt when The Talker first knocked on the page. It came back in a thrilling rush, and I won't forget it for a long time.

I hope everyone gets to experience something like this. It sure made my November.

Hold on to your shopping cart!

2006-11-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

The mass of humanity!!

I really, truly, honestly do NOT like the day after Thanksgiving shopping frenzy. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, I go out and grab my "deals" just like the next penny-pincher, but I don't like it. Who do they (the store corporations) think they are? They lead us to think that we are getting the steal of the century, when in reality they are still making money off our disillusionment. When I see the low prices set specifically for a few meagre hours, it only makes me more conscious of the fact that I get ripped of the rest of the year.

And yet, I succumb. Every year I dash out with the rest of the hordes to face the parking nightmare, the traffic congestion (in the store!), and rude line-cutters, all to save $10 on a widget. Oh, well, I guess that's life.

In the meantime, I left Husband home this morning so I could attack the price-reduced products single handedly. He sprained his ankle playing basketball with the men of the family yesterday...yeah, now I'm taking care of 3 helpless people for the next few days...ah, me, what's Christmas-star-studded and energy-surplussed gal to do?

Turkey day? No, turkey week!

2006-11-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is more than a day. It is a whole season!! We are having Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house tomorrow night and all my siblings and their significant others will be attending. My dad is the chef for the event and he is treating us to stuffed cornish game hens.

I love cooking. While growing up, though, I had sisters who were more aggressive than myself and I always got kicked to the bottom rung in the kitchen...peeling potatoes or something equally non-creative. When I started to live on my own and then got married I enjoyed spreading my wings and discovered all sorts of fabulous recipes that made my husband's mouth water and kept him coming back for more :-) Actually, I pride myself that we don't feel the need to go out for dinner very often because we end up being disappointed in the quality of food. Most restaurants just are not up to par compared with my cooking.

Since I am missing out on the preparation of the most anticipated meal of the year, I have made this week my week of tantalizing menu items. Lately, because of unemployment and needing to save money, we have been eating alot of pasta and refried bean burritos. Not much variety. However, in honor of the season (and the great sale prices at the grocery store) I have splurged. This week's dinners include steak fajitas, ham with pineapple, szechwan chicken, and (you guessed it) I'm making my own turkey. Well, it's realy a boneless, skinless turkey breast, but that works good enough for us. Oh, and let's not forget the pumpkin pies I'm baking!!

Mmmmmm....

What's on your menu for the big day?

Hope all of your Thanksgivings are filled with the blessing of familial love, the happiness of friendship, and the peace of God's protection.

But the couch is so comfy!

2006-11-21T16:53:00.000-08:00

Laziness. It is the bane of my existence. I had a perfectly good day today with plenty of opportunity to start sifting through all of our *ahem* junk in preparation for our move. I know "the move" is a few months away, but I figure the sooner I start to purge the unnecessary items from our possession, the sooner I can breathe easy about the reality of living in much smaller surroundings. My slothful side got the better of me, however. For the - hmmmm - 32nd day in a row (?) the quiet part of my day when the kids are both napping has been wasted. I sit, peacefully immersed in a book and enjoying my moments of blissful silence. Needless to say, I have accomplished exactly nothing. The ironing has piled up for weeks, my kitchen junk counter is more impenetrable than ever, and the piles of useless items are still scattered throughout the house, instead of being neatly arranged in preparation for a garage sale in the indefinite future.

One day soon I hope to force through my natural tendencies and actually DO something with my afternoons. Until that day arrives, I remain sleepily yours...

Chapter 4: The House

2006-11-20T15:06:00.000-08:00

Here it is. The story of mistakes made and lessons learned. I am talking about the house that we recently left and has caused us such trouble. We closed escrow today, so the story is mostly finished. There are still some consequences for our rash behavior, but I won’t be able to explain those until tax time. I guess I’d better start at the beginning…

When we found out that I was pregnant a mere 2 ½ months after The Talker was born, we were quite nervous because of how close in age our children would be. Our condo had two bedrooms and I was quite sure that we needed to have three bedrooms to comfortably fit ourselves and two babies. The lazy part of me said that it would be too much hassle to deal with two kids in the same room when they are still at an age to need naps. We started to look for a house. The county where we lived was quite expensive, so we expanded our search to the next county over. After a couple months of searching I found my dream house. It was a pleasant 4 bedroom house on a half-acre lot in a quiet cul-de-sac. I could see us spending many, many years raising our family in this ideal home. We placed an offer of $605,000 (a real deal for Southern California!) and the offer was accepted.

As escrow progressed, there were problems with our loan. We had decided not to sell the condo. Instead, we deeded it into a land trust with my aunt. Basically, she was going to take over the payments while renting the place out for a few years, then sell it at a profit and we would receive our portion of the proceeds. It was a good plan, except that having two mortgages on our credit was no easy task. We had to jump through all sorts of hoops in order to get the new bank to approve the loan on the house. The first plan for financing failed, then the second plan failed, and we were finally approved by our “Plan C” lender. We should have seen the red flags. The loan that we wound up getting had a higher interest rate (almost sub-prime) and the payment was $4000 per month. That is a lot of money, but keep in mind that, at the time, my husband was collecting his short-term guaranteed paychecks grossing $15,000 a month.

We were short-sighted and naïve. Somehow, we got it into our heads that, once we were in the house, we would re-finance the loan to a better rate and everything would be fine. We closed escrow in August 2005 and everything started off great. We got settled quite comfortably. I bought new furniture and curtains, had the cottage cheese scraped off the ceilings, and we even painted a couple rooms. In fact, I was over-zealous in my home-making efforts and I wound up getting pre-term labor and had to go on bed rest for the last couple months of my pregnancy.

We made an attempt to re-finance the house and it did not work, so we were stuck with our high payment loan. After a few months, the paycheck took a huge hit and we started to take money out of our savings every month in order to pay the mortgage.

As I wrote in Chapter 3, H lost his job in January 2006. We saw this as a sign to get out while we still could. In an effort to save money and hope to sell the house for a better price, we placed an ad that we were selling the house by owner. H used his creative skills to develop a great flyer and we spent the last two weeks of my pregnancy calling realtors, visiting open houses and offices, and spreading the word that we had a house we wanted to sell and we would be happy to pay a buyer’s commission. We were not trying to make any money off the house, we just wanted to sell it and break even. Like most people who try to sell by owner, we finally broke down and hired a realtor. In the two months that he worked for us, hardly anyone came by to see the house.

Our next door neighbor was interested in buying the house for her son to live in, but she was only offering $550,000, which would leave us with a loan balance of $50,000. That’s when H realized that we were going about this all wrong. It was time to ask the bank for a short sale. A short sale is when the bank accepts less money than they are owed. Basically, we send a bunch of paperwork into the bank trying to prove to them that we are in financial difficulty and cannot make our mortgage payment. When someone makes an offer on the house, the bank reviews the offer and decides whether or not to take it. We did all of our part, but the next door neighbor, for all sorts of personal (and dysfunctional) reasons did not hold up her end. She has been dubbed by us as “the crazy neighbor” because of this incident.

It was the end of March. Two months had passed since we first tried to sell the house. We fired our realtor because we became impatient. We moved in April, and we made a huge decision. On May 1, 2006, we did not pay our mortgage. Those $4000 a month payments were draining our savings account and we had a choice. We could either keep paying the mortgage until we had no money left and risk that the house still had not sold, or we could stop paying and hope the bank accepted a short sale offer before they took the house to auction. With two babies, it was much more important to us to have emergency money on hand, so we chose the latter.

You can debate the morality of this decision (I sure did!) but it was the best way to keep our family’s finances somewhat secure.

We have left that house vacant since April and we hired a new realtor to try and sell it. There were a couple offers made on the house, but none of them were suitable to the bank. Meanwhile, in August the bank filed notice of default on our loan. We were starting to think we might suffer a foreclosure on our credit. By California law, the bank has to wait at least 90 days to file a notice of default and then at least another 90 days to take a house to auction.

Finally, about 2 months ago we received a good offer, the bank approved it, and we entered escrow. When the time came to do the home inspection, there were some problems that came up (likely the result of sitting vacant for several months). The buyer changed his offer to a lower amount and the bank did not re-approve it. We were quite worried. However, it was also about this time that a new buyer came into the picture. This person is a contractor and did not mind doing the work that the house needed. He offered $550,000 and the bank approved.

After a series of bumps during the course of escrow (including $1600 of termite damage repair and $6000 septic work that the bank agreed to pay for) we are finally done. The loan funded last Friday and it is being recorded in the county today. We are free of the house. (And it only cost us $4000 to bring the property taxes up to date.) And not a moment too soon! We went to the house one last time over the weekend and there was a notice taped to the front door. The bank was planning to auction the house on December 12.

So now we have to repair 6 months of delinquent payments on our credit, but that it not nearly as bad as a full-blown foreclosure that could stay with us for years.

We no longer own the House of Learning, but it will be with us for a few more months. See, the bank does not do a short sale without repercussions. After realtor commissions and all costs are paid, the bank is taking a $120,000 loss. By California law, we are going to receive a 1099 from the bank at the end of this year and we will be responsible to the IRS for the taxes on this money. They see it as our gain and we will have to pay up. BUT, there are ways of proving hardship and insolvency, so we will see. That part of the story does not have an ending yet.

Actually, we consider ourselves as getting off easy. California law also states that if a house is re-financed and then goes into foreclosure, then, in addition to having tax penalties, the bank can also sue the owner for the remainder of the loan…and they will win their judgment every time. Thankfully, our attempt to re-finance the house failed and we are only stuck with the tax issues.

After such a difficult experience I am quite convinced that I will never want to own another house again! Or, at least, that I will pay closer attention to the red flags and not jump into a situation I can’t handle. Maybe one day the time will be right…but that time is not now!

Update...more to follow

2006-11-17T17:45:00.000-08:00

I apologize for my absence the last couple of days. So much has been going on! We are definitely closing escrow on the house Monday, so stay tuned for my re-telling of the dramatic and harrowing experiences that led up to this momentous occasion.

My husband and I have been toying with the idea of starting our own business. Last week, someone found an ad that I had posted on Craigslist asking for typing work. I've been looking for ways to make money from home and typing happens to be something that I am good at (bet you never would have guess that one, huh?). Well, anyway, this particular job was pretty difficult, but it got me and Husband thinking about the business possibilities. We are centering our efforts around starting a transcription service. You know, someone talks into a tape recorder and we type it out for them. We've only been working on this little project for a few days, but the prospects are out there and we are trying to see what we can make of this little scheme.

As we develop more, I'll keep you updated :-)

In other news, my sister had a baby today! A little girl. I am finally an aunt, since my kids are the first grandkids on both my side and my husband's side of the family.

I know I'm rambling a bit tonight, but I only had a few minutes and my thoughts had not quite worked themselves into a comprehensible form by the time I sat down at the keyboard.

More next time...

A Go for Homeschooling

2006-11-14T17:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a big supporter of homeschooling. I did it (8th grade and up). My husband did it (7th grade and up). We plan on doing it with our children (at least in the beginning and we'll see how it goes). We have our own reasons for wanting to continue in our parents' footsteps of home educations, but those reasons are a topic for another day.

This is a great article, written by a 28-year veteran, award winning public school teacher that shows several difficulties of the school system in educating and molding the youth of today. Some of these complaints are perfect arguments in favor of homeschooling, that I had never even thought of. Teaching at home does not solve all of the difficulties the author presents, but I have to admit, he makes a compelling point about the troubles that face today's children in their education.

What do you think about his points?

Perfect Sunday

2006-11-13T18:22:00.001-08:00

Going to church on Sunday, while being a wonderful spiritual re-kindling, is not without its difficulties. Our typical Sunday entails rushing through breakfast, getting the kids ready, and hurrying out the door. Once at church, we take turns juggling Blue Eyes and The Talker.

Blue Eyes is still too little to sit by herself on the pew. She bounces and plays and makes occasional noises of glee which, though cute by themselves, are distracting to those of the congregations sitting around us. If our efforts to silence her sounds have no effect then Husband usually takes her to the back, or outside, where she can be happy and playful without distraction. This lee-way will only last a few more months before we start to teach her (like we taught The Talker) to stay quiet during the liturgy.

The Talker is VERY good in church. We have taught him to sit still either on the pew, or in one of our laps. He “reads” the music book very quietly on his own. Sometimes he will talk out loud and a quick look from Mommy or Daddy reminds him to whisper. We have not had to take him outside since he was about 14 or 15 months (he is now 20 months). While he earns the name “The Talker” outside of church, in this blessed place he is quiet, and still, and as perfect as any parent could wish. Even though he is well behaved, Husband and I still leave church exhausted every week from holding one or the other child for an hour straight.

Yesterday’s Mass, however, was perfect. The Talker sat very still and Daddy only needed to hold him a few times. When he was being held he sucked his thumb, and looked around, and kept his good behavior on.

I held Blue Eyes through the whole Mass. She squirmed a little at the beginning, but towards the middle and end she wanted to snuggle. Her head rested perfectly under my chin, while she sucked her thumb and relaxed. *sigh* I am ashamed to say that I do not cuddle with my little girl nearly as much as I wish I could. First of all, she does not generally like to cuddle. Second, I’m usually balancing both kids at once, or hurrying Blue Eyes through her bottle so that I can deal with The Talker’s latest needs. So when I was able to enjoy a full half hour of warm, soft, loving attentions to and from my daughter I was the happiest mama alive. I probably should have paid more attention to what the priest was saying, but I don’t think God minded…

Halloween - I know it's really late

2006-11-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

I do not usually post on Sundays, but I was so proud of myself for managing to get pictures into my submission yesterday that I figured I was long overdue for displaying Halloween photos. I know, Halloween is practically ancient history now, I mean, it was almost two weeks ago. But, here I am, technologically slow and invoking my parental “right to brag.”

Here is The Talker in his Batman costume. We did not go trick-or-treating, but that did not stop me from dressing him up per the custom of the day.

I neglected getting Blue Eyes a costume this year, but she looked so darn cute in this picture that I thought I would post it just to show her off…

Holy Sunday!

A Family Legacy worth Repeating

2006-11-11T12:44:00.000-08:00

I recently had the privilege of being present at a landmark event. My great grandmother turned 100 years old. And she is still pretty independent, believe it or not. To celebrate this momentous occasion, the family all got together. Well, not everyone was there, but those who were able to attend added up to about 150 people. Pretty big, huh?

My Great Grandma T is the family matriarch. She is my mother’s maternal grandmother. Or, another way, my mother’s mother’s mother. This great woman and her husband of almost 60 years (my great grandfather passed away about 20 years ago) started their very own empire of descendants. They have 4 children, 31 grandchildren, 84 great grandchildren, and (at last count) 28 great-great grandchildren --- with more on the way! Add in spouses, step children, and significant others and you can imagine what a crowd showed up to celebrate the event of the century.

I have never met so many complete strangers that are my blood relatives! While I was growing up we pretty much stuck to the closer family (like most people do, I think). We would see my parents’ siblings and their children, and maybe a great aunt or great uncle at Easter or Christmas. The “family” celebrations never reached beyond to second or third cousins. It was quite mind-boggling to meet my mother’s cousins and their children, then “do the math” (so to speak) about what our relationship is. Better yet, what their relationship to my children is. I think we got as far as my fourth cousins, which would be my children’s fifth cousins, if you can believe it!

Yes, I even got a picture of me and my husband, our kids, my mother, my grandmother, and the lady of honor my great grandmother. Five generations in one place at one time.

At one point I was approached by one of my mother’s cousins. I had written my maiden name on my name tag so that people would know which part of the family I belonged to. This particular cousin, however, had not seen my mom since she was 10 years old and he did not know her married name (my maiden name). He said, with a smile, that he would only know me by my mother’s maiden name because that is how he remembers her. Wow! Talk about family you haven’t seen in a while.

We all exist because of the love between Great Grandma and Great Grandpa T. They started their own thread of life which we continue and pass on to the next generation. Imagine all the lives that have been affected, the new lives created, and the deeds accomplished. I am proud to be part of such an amazing legacy!

P.S. For those of you who are waiting with baited breath for the next chapter in the Saga of my complicated life, you will have a wait a little longer for the next installment. "Chapter 4: The House" will not be completed until next week...at least, I hope that's when it ends...it is out of my control, but trust me the story will be well worth the wait!

Chapter 3: 2006 Job Hunt

2006-11-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

We will always remember the year 2006 for two reasons. One, our daughter was born – a great blessing. Two, it has been the year of trials. I would like to say the year of trials and triumph, but that last part has not happened yet.

In January 2006, H was fired from his job at the title company. For a couple months we had already been struggling with making our mortgage payments and, to us, the job loss was a sign. We immediately started to sell the house. (Much more on that later…it’s another loooooong story…)

This was our first experience with unemployment. Naturally, H looked for work. His first step was to call all the people he knew and see if they were hiring. H’s uncle manages a sales department of a title company. At first, H did not think he wanted to get back into title insurance. He thought that he would just call it quits and find something else to do. But, he’s not a very patient man and within two weeks he thought he was desperate and he took a job working one of the sales territories under his uncle. My determined husband made the 50 mile drive to and from his territory every day, often times not getting home until it was time to put the kids in bed. The drive was too much, and he missed so much family time that in April we decided to move closer to the territory. (The house had not sold yet, but, remember, that is another story.)

Just a few weeks after we moved, H told me that he was quitting the title company to take a job selling gold. I was quite shocked. After all, we had moved so that we could be closer to his work. The new position he was taking was 30 miles away in heavy traffic. After quite a bit of discussion, I decided to back off and let my husband make the decision. He lasted two weeks at that job. Why did he quit? Because he cannot hard sell. (Title insurance sales is mostly based on having a good relationship with the client. You get the business because the other person likes you. The gold sales were over the phone and it required a pushy, hard sales tactic that H could not muster in order to be successful.)

This was round two of unemployment. H could not go back to his uncle. He had decided that he was done with real estate and that the market would not support him at this time. So, the job hunt began. We discovered a scam company that claims it helps you get a high paying job at the postal service. (Of course, we discovered that it was a scam AFTER they had taken our money.) H decided to go to bartending school thinking that he could surely get a good job, with great tips. The school even offered a placement service. Well, he finished school, learned a lot, and then learned that reputable high traffic bars will only hire people with high traffic experience. No-go on that one. But, the school did place H with a party staffing company. He worked private and corporate parties as a server and a bartender while looking for full time employment.

Once again, H is not a very patient man. After about 4 weeks he panicked again. That is when our landlord called and asked H to work for him selling payroll. H thought this was a great idea, after all, the guy was offering a salary, not just commission like most sales positions. That was in July.

While working for the payroll company, H had to continue working parties on the weekends in order to make ends meet. Even so, we had to take some money out of savings each month to pay a few bills. We feel blessed to have our savings account left over from the “good days” of title insurance.

Four months after starting in payroll, at the end of October, H’s boss decided that H wasn’t cutting it. H tells me (and I believe him) that he and the owner have different approaches to sales. H feels that his bosses approach is unethical and he refuses to adopt this manner of business. Meanwhile, the boss felt that H was not doing everything he could to secure new business.

And, gosh darn it, October was the first month we finally broke even on the income. We did not need to pull out of savings to pay any bills, then the hammer drop of unemployment.

So, that leaves us where we are now. Unemployed for the third time this year. My husband and I have had many conversations lately and I think that now he realizes that a good job will just be given to him overnight. He seems to finally be realizing this and his approach to a career change is looking good. No more sales for us! It is time for stability, regularity, and dependability. If that means that it takes 2 or 3 or 4 months to find the right position, then so be it. Meanwhile, H continues to serve and bartend at parties to make some income. It does not pay all the bills, but it helps enough to keep us going until he find the right career position.

Please pray for us during this difficult time.

Chapter 2: Jobs of Old

2006-11-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

When I met my husband in May 2002 he was working for a title company as a computer software trainer. He made his rounds of the company clients and taught realtors and mortgage lenders how to use the software necessary for efficient business. The flexible schedule and self-management of the position really suited his personality and he did well. Everyone loved him and he was a real asset to the company.

In August 2004 (after we were engaged), he was offered the opportunity to become a sales rep for the title company. The real estate market in Orange County was still booming at this point and H jumped at the chance to get in on the rush. He focused his sales energies primarily on mortgage brokers and lenders. (He had difficulty working with realtors.) H was successful almost immediately after he started this, his first, sales job. Things were so good, in fact, that we decided to buy a condo, and we closed escrow right after we were married in January 2004. On the way home from our honeymoon H told me that I didn’t have to work anymore if I didn’t want to. I decided to take him up on his offer and stay home, enjoying my days of “housewife” before God blessed us with children.

Everything was wonderful. H was supporting us financially. I got pregnant. We never really had to worry about money. Everything looked great. What comes next didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. We kept living life on cloud nine. In retrospect, though, this is where things started to get a little rocky before the Crash of 2006.

Around February of 2005 H moved departments within the title company. He thought that he could make more money working for a bigger division. The new division agreed to pay him a guaranteed amount of money for a few months, while he worked on securing a clientele appropriate to the division. The job was much harder than H expected and he was not nearly as successful as he hoped he would be. When the specified time for the guarantee was over, H took a big cut in pay. He was now dependant on his commissions, which did not nearly equal what he had been receiving prior.

In May 2005, a competing title company asked if H would like to go work for them. He requested a huge amount of money for a six month time, and they agreed to pay him. So, he changed companies and started collecting those big paychecks, while trying to acquire enough clients to make up the commission for when the guarantee was over.

While H was collecting the big bucks, I got pregnant with our second child. We decided that the condo might be too small and we wanted to get a house, so we did. We bought a wonderful 4 bedroom house in August 2005.

Right after we bought the house (with a BIG mortgage), real estate started to slow down. Interest rates went up and the refinance business that made H successful previously no longer existed. On top of that, there were management problems at the title company. H got involved in the dispute. He picked the wrong side, became the fall guy for the whole fiasco, and got fired.

Our second baby was due to be born in two weeks. We were left with no health insurance and had to pay COBRA ($$$) in order to get coverage for the delivery.

That brings us to January 2006. Oh, 2006…this year has been a real trial. Keep reading tomorrow for the ups and downs, the harrowing twists and turns that this year has brought.

Chapter 1: The Move

2006-11-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it is time for some updating. It might take a few days to tell the whole story so bear with me. (For the record, when I started this blog I had every intention of keeping my entries simple and enjoyable to all. Stories about the kids. Teasing my husband. Little tidbits of advice. The kind of stuff you have seen from me the last few weeks. Well, now I find that this is a good outlet to air my frustrations, and I could use some advice from you, my readers, so feel free to share.)

First topic: The Move.

As with everything in our life right now, this is quite complicated and involves some storytelling. Last April we moved to the house we are in now. One of my husband’s (I’ll start calling him “H” for short) old clients owns the house. He bought it for the purpose of tearing it down and rebuilding his “dream house.” Rather than let the house sit vacant until the building plans were completed and the financing all in order, he offered to rent to us for a very good price. The price was a little more than we had wanted to pay when we were house hunting, but it was a great deal and we decided to sign the lease for one year. The agreement was that we would have a one year lease and go month to month after that, since the owner didn’t know how much longer than the year his pre-construction work would take.

Well, a few things happened with H’s work and he ended up going to work for the landlord selling payroll services. (There will be a LOT more info on the “job situation” later – it’s a whole other topic.)

The salary that H received from his new boss/our landlord was not enough to meet the monthly household expenses. H asked if we could pay less rent and the guy agreed. For four months we paid a little less rent, no problems. Then H’s boss/our landlord fired him. At the same time he told H that we would have to pay the original rent amount again. H asked if Landlord would release us from the lease so we could get a place we could afford. Landlord said that he would be enforcing the lease; if we want to leave we have to pay it off.

So now we are stuck here until our one year is up. I know the landlord had every legal right to enforce the lease and make us pay the higher amount on the lease…but isn’t that a really jerk move to do?!?

There you have it. We started off on amiable terms with our landlord and now we can hardly wait to get out of here as soon as the lease is over. The strange part is that the landlord keeps insisting that it is “nothing personal” and that he still really likes H. He’s earned a blackspot in my book and I can’t wait to get out of here and start over.

As to where we will be going, who knows? It all depends on where H gets a job. We have until April to figure it out. More on The Job(s) later…

Hit the wall, so to speak

2006-11-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

You ever hit the wall in life? In like...EVERYTHING?

That's what I feel like happened these last few days; thus, the reason for my absence from Ducks In A Tub. The Husband is on the career search again, The Talker has been in panic mode because we took the sides of the crib, Blue Eyes is teething hard, and we just realized we're moving in four months. Plus, I've had a cold, and haven't felt so well...

I've been trying to take my mind off it with some Harry Potter and Series of Unfortunate Events, but these stories take time to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying them, but not optimally. Oh, well. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, it could be worse, but it's not.

I just need things to settle dooooooooowwwwwwwnnn.

Warning: For women only…and even then you may not want to read…

2006-11-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

Being a woman is hard work. I’m not talking about raising kids. I’m not talking about being pregnant. I’m not even talking about childbirth. Today I am talking about something we all have in common. We all experience the “monthly” discomfort in some form or another. The degrees of annoyance and pain vary for each of us.

I wish I could find it in me to write about something else, but my pain today is so great that it is the only thing on my mind.

Before I had kids I used to suffer miserably during the first two days of my monthly feminine event. My cramps would get so bad that I would have to leave work or school, go home, curl up in a ball with a heating pad, pop some pills in my mouth, and wait (hope?) for relief. (Ice cream helped, too…) Some months would be better than others, but I was invariably forced to endure the wretchedness month after dreary month.

Many people told me that I could expect the bearing and delivery of children to heal or reduce my ailment. I prayed for this miracle to occur. Somewhat surprisingly, I had very little physical discomfort during my pregnancies (comparatively). After 18 months of pregnancy (my son was only 2 months old when I conceived again) I was looking forward to settling back into a normal cycle, but without the horrible experiences of my B.C. (Before Children) days.

I wish I could tell you that that the tales were true. Sadly, though, pregnancy and childbirth has not healed my hurt. I now experience the same cramping and pains that haunted me back then. For those of you who have children, imagine being in labor (sorry, that’s the only way I can compare it), about a half hour before you were ready for the doctor to give you the epidural is how I feel…once every month…all day long…

I try medicines, and they do help the pain…but I can’t sleep at night because they contain caffeine…which keeps me awake. So, I’m pain-reduced (not really pain free), but now I’m tired from lack of sleep.

Hmmm…maybe it’s time to have another baby so that I can enjoy the blissful relief that pregnancy gives… just kidding! ;-)

Bad Pee-pee

2006-10-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I have (sort of) started to potty train The Talker. He is 20 months old and a bit young to really understand what a toilet is for. We keep trying to guess when he needs to go and get him to the toilet, but it’s hit and miss (no pun intended) whether we’ll get him there at the right time.

Tonight, while Daddy was preparing to give him his evening bath, I needed some help in the office. I called Daddy in to help me and The Talker came running after him, naked. While standing in the doorway for 30 seconds guess what happened? That’s right, The Talker emptied his bladder on the floor.

That’s not really the surprising part, though.

He cried! I couldn’t tell if he was afraid of punishment, or if he was scared because he didn’t know what happened. It was such an *aaaww* moment. So cute. So messy. So easy to fix. A few paper towels cleaned the floor right up and got The Talker on to his bath. A minorly eventful evening.

Happy Halloween!

Rock-A-Bye-Baby...please!

2006-10-30T11:53:00.000-08:00

I...am…so…tired…

Blue Eyes is having some night time problems. We’re not sure if she’s teething or having nightmares, but whatever it is she sure is sensitive.

She went to sleep at 8, same as usual. Then at 11 she woke up screaming. Hubby and I went to console her, and change her very wet diaper. Usually that fixes everything up fine. (She has a sensitive bum and needs to have her diaper changed to be comfortable.) Then at 2am she woke up again. I went in to her room to hold her and she snuggled right up on my neck without any more fussing. After a couple minutes of cuddling, I put her back to bed and she was fine until 7am. A little earlier of a wake up time than usual for her, but I guess it was time to get up anyway.

I am very disoriented today, so I’m sorry if this post sounds *blah* but that’s how I feel. When the kids go down for their afternoon naps I’ll probably catch up on some zzz’s at the same time.

Wish me luck :-)

Who put out the light?

2006-10-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

[sob, sob, cry, sob] Today is the end of Daylight Savings. My biggest pet peeve is when people make a big deal out of things that happen at the same time every year. When I was working before I had kids I would have to listen…every single year…to my co-workers talking about how hot it is (duh, it’s summer), how cold it is (what do you expect, it’s winter), can you believe Christmas is almost here (it comes the same time every year), and the inevitable: it is so dark/light out since we have changed the clocks.

I am about to display my own pet peeve.

I
Hate
Changing
The
Clocks
Back!

There is nothing worse than losing an hour of daylight. On the other side, I truly loooove gaining an hour of daylight in the summer. But it’s not summer right now, is it? NO! It’s darned-stinking October and I am about to lose an hour of decent sun time.

This annual event always makes me physically tired. Once the sun is gone it feels like the day should be over, but there are many hours remaining in the evening. As if I need to be more tired at the end of a day. On top of this, my husband and I now have to stop our occasional evening visits to the park with the kids because it’s too dark for playing safely.

I guess I should stop griping now and go enjoy my last few hours of a “long” day.

P.S. I really think the whole idea behind the changing the clocks is pretty dumb. And next year we'll start changing them in March and November for more silly reasons. What a ridiculous political topic!

Le Miserable

2006-10-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone hates to be sick, right? If somebody actually enjoyed the discomfort of illness, then he or she has bigger problems than not feeling well.

I strongly detest having a cold. What is a cold? A sore throat, stuffy nose, mild headache. For crying out loud, if I’m going to be sick then I would rather be wiped out, in bed, with a fever than suffer the nagging of the common cold.

You guessed it, I’ve got a cold right now. It puts me a bitter mood. To top it off, we’ve got some pretty bad air quality in Southern California right now because of a terrible wild fire. So, in addition to usual cold symptoms, I also have severely dry skin from the complete lack of any moisture in our air.

Ick. Gross. Yuck.

On the bright(er) side, I am trying out this medicine that a friend recommended to me, Zicam. My throat started to tickle just yesterday. I started to take Zicam and I feel almost normal already instead of suffering my usual 1-2 week ordeal. I’m hoping to be much better tomorrow, because heaven knows I hate to be in a bad mood….steer clear of Momma!

10 normal activities that became complicated once I had children

2006-10-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Life before children was so simple. I thought of something I wanted to do and I did it. Now things are more complicated. Oh, I still go about my weekly routine. I have figured out how to work with the little munchkins to keep us all from being miserable. I love the challenge that my kids present, and I love the success of an activity accomplished with only minor inconvenience.

But sometimes my mind wanders to the days of ease…(wander, wander)

Here is my list of 10-normal-activities-that-became-complicated-once-I-had-children:

Eating. Such a basic function of life. Yet with children came the realization that I will always come last. I balance the meal schedules of two kids (some day more) and sometime after they are done I hope to have 5 minutes for wolfing down my own sustenance.

Go shopping. Before kids, I got in the car, went to the store, picked up what I need and left. Now, add to that list packing a diaper bag, totting a stroller, fighting off the exploratory nature of my toddler, you get the idea. It’s not so simple anymore.

Taking a walk. The fresh air, a cool breeze, it can be quite invigorating. Until my toddler decides he wants to walk on his own instead of being confined to the stroller. Then I have to keep him within reach – and did I mention the slower pace? Not much exercise in a toddle.

Sleeping in. Aaaah, those were the days. Saturday meant an extra hour or two of blessed sleep. Now, well, the kids don’t know it is Saturday and they get up for their regular routine same as usual.

Staying up late. See above. What fun is staying up late if you can’t sleep in the morning after?

Going on a date with hubby. Babysitters. Setting a date. Home by a certain time. It’s still fun, but there is waaaay more planning then their used to be for a simple dinner and a movie outing.

Getting a cold or the flu. I used to be able to call in to work or skip a class at school. Now, if I’m under the weather I still have to be “mommy” all day. AND, I have the added stress of not wanting to spread my ickies to the kids, because that really would put us in a tricky situation!

Writing. I used to be able to pen a few words anytime the muses spoke. Now I either have to wait for the little ones to be asleep, or fight my toddler for control of the laptop keyboard. Because, you know, to him anything with buttons is a toy…oh, and did I mention the countless interruptions?

Phone. There used to be days of any-time phone calls to friends. Now, with kids, those calls are cut short by cries, falls, needs for attention, etc. Even making an inquiry about a bill is serenaded by baby noise.

Driving. I find it relaxing. Cruising down a stretch of land, listening to great music, having wonderful conversation. It’s great. But, when the kids decide they have had enough of sitting in one place, they let me know, and things can get ugly. They kick, they scream, they get hungry, they drop a toy, they want to listen to THEIR music, not mine. *sigh* Another roadtrip.

You're Never Going to Believe This One!

2006-10-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Triumph over the money-making corporation! Bwa-ha-ha!

Well, it’s not quite as vicious a victory as it sounds. I was shopping yesterday and the grocery store meat department had mis-priced some boneless, skinless chicken breasts. The label READ correctly, but here is the kicker: it was priced at 20 cents per pound. I thought “This HAS to be a mistake” and I kept walking. I didn’t bother to tell anyone in the department that they were about to give away chicken.

When I told my husband about the error at dinner, he was shocked that I didn’t buy it at such an unbelievable price. He just had to see this fluke for himself, so we piled in the car and went back to the store. While I stayed in the car with the kids, he ran in to see if the miracle had been taken yet. Five minutes later, he came out of the store raising a bag triumphantly over his head. He had bought 4 pounds of chicken for 80 cents! Apparently, no one had bought the mis-priced package over the last 8 hours, and no employee had caught the mistake. As an extra prize, hubby also bought some ice cream for us to celebrate his victory.

Was it wrong to take advantage of incorrectly labeled merchandise? Hubby obviously doesn’t think so. I’m not so sure, but, then again, there are several good meals of chicken in my freezer and we spent less than a buck. I can’t argue too much with the fiscal side of this ethical dilemma.

What do you think?

Don't Worry Honey, I've Got You Covered

2006-10-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

I keep making the same darned mistake…over…and over…and over. It’s World Series time right now. The two teams are the Detroit Tigers and St. Louis Cardinals. For some reason (and I really don’t know why), I keep calling the Tigers the Pirates. I just have that name in my head and I can’t seem to get it out. It drives Hubby crazy.

Great story for you, though. Last post I talked about what a huge baseball fan my husband is and how mediocre I am at reciprocating his passion. Despite my lack of intense fervor I know my husband very well and I can predict how well “his” team is doing during a game (give or take 1 run) simply by hearing the way he responds when he turns on the t.v.

Here is a list of what he says and what it means:

“All riiight!” This is a fairly mellow, but positive response. It means that his team has a one run lead. They have the advantage for the moment, but they are far from safe.

“YES!!!” or “Woo-hoo!” A more excited reaction, these terms mean that the favored team is leading by 2 or 3 runs. They are doing well enough to be happy, and blowing it with that kind of advantage would be disastrous to the fan.

“WHOOOOOA!” My husband reserves this phrase for only the most deserving occasions. A long home run. A diving catch. An amazing strike out. A lead of 4 or more runs.

“DANG IT!” This one, I think, speaks for itself. He uses this phrase any time the opposing team is dominating on the scoreboard. Enough said.

So when the Cardinals and the Pirates, errr, sorry, Tigers play tonight I'll have to keep my ears open for the tone of victory or defeat. (He's rooting for the Tigers, by the way.)

Get your own beer!

2006-10-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

My husband, the sports fan. What husband isn’t? Most men (and I know some women) are obsessed with any activity involving an object (typically a ball) that other men fight over, run around, or try to put into a particular place for the purpose of gaining a number on a scoreboard. What’s the point, I ask you? I just don’t get it.

But the fact that I don’t understand the appeal of such activity does not exempt me from playing the role of the dutiful wife. Whenever my husband wants to talk about the “greatest play of the day,” or “team standings for the playoffs,” I listen. Now, typically the information goes out one ear and in the other so that the next time the topic is breached my husband has to re-acquaint me with all the particulars of the subject.

Baseball is, by far, my hubby’s favorite sport. The world comes to an end between November (after the World Series) and February (spring season begins in March). No joke, he will actually mope around for a week after the season ends, mourning the temporary loss of his favorite past time. Periodically throughout the winter, he will watch DVD’s of his favorite teams winning the World Series (Dodgers and Angels). It always puts him in a funk because, gosh darn it, the season is just too far away.

Then he hears news of a player trade and it peaks his interest. For days all he can talk about is how this player will do great on that team, and, how dare that team get rid of this player. March brings the frenzy of spring training. He treats each pre-season game as if it actually mattered, and he rejoices or wallows in misery based on the outcomes. As of Day One of the “real” season he keeps track of which teams are in what place and the win-loss ratio of each ball club.

I guess I don’t mind too much. After all, I prefer baseball to any other sport. My mind just cannot wrap around the concept of a life encompassed by a group of grown men who PLAY for a living. Maybe that’s the point…my husband uses this outlet to release his inner boy. *Aaawww* How sweet.

Many thanks

2006-10-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to expand my reading base and I would like to thank Everything Under the Moon, Pink Diary, and Blogging Chicks for hosting the blog Carnivals that have helped drive traffic to my site. I have put each of these websites under my links for anyone else to enjoy. Thanks a bunch, ladies!

Splish, Splash, Taking a Bath

2006-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

We have a portable air conditioner that we keep in our living room. I know, it's October and I shouldn't still need my air conditioner. Many people in the country are enjoying cool, fall weather right now. I'm jealous of all of them! I live in Southern California and we've had some pretty warm, dry, windy weather lately.

But I digress.

Back to the air conditioner. It has a plastic pan behind it to collect the excess moisture from the air. Naturally, it is extremely attractive to the little ones. We have managed to "train" The Talker to stay away from it -- well, at least, I thought we had taught him. Blue Eyes is just discovering the water collector and we are having a hard time keeping her away from it. I ask you, what baby doesn't like to splash in a puddle of water?

The kiddies and I were playing this evening while hubby went to his weekend job. As usual, Blue Eyes managed to get herself over to the water pan and splash her hands around in it. Since I've seen her actually tip the pan over and spill out all the water before, I thought I was getting off light with just a little splashing. I moved her to the other side of the room and went to get a towel for the little splashes she had made.

As I turned the corner back into the room, it all seemed to happen in slow motion. I saw The Talker pick up the water tray. (I think he was trying to copy me when he sees me empty it all the time.) His little hands were not controlled enough to hold the heavy H2O and he spilled it all out. The spillage soaked through a whole beach towel. Thank goodness we have tile floors and clean up is simple!

How my babies slept through the night and were in their own rooms by 3 months old

2006-10-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

That’s right…3 months.

When my babies were born, my first goal was getting them to sleep through the night.

And I succeeded.

In less than three months.

See, I require at least 8 hours of sleep in order to function as a normal human being, so if my children sleep then I wake up happy and alert and ready for whatever the day holds. Call me selfish, but that’s how I am. Now, I’m not an expert, but my “method” has worked on two children, so take what you can get from it.

The basic idea is to turn your baby’s clock around. When you are pregnant, your baby is awake when you are asleep and sleeping while you are up and moving all day long. Your body motion rocks him to sleep all the hours you are active. As soon as you stop this gentle motion, he wakes up and wants to play. (Hence the sleepless nights because of the baby kicking you during the last couple months of pregnancy.) When your baby is born, he is used to his “schedule” and you need to teach him what is night and what is day.

Are you ready for the secret? This is going to sound mean, but it works. You need to wake up your baby. Creating a routine and a schedule starts at birth. (Well, a few days after birth when you’re home and ready for the challenge.) Who is crazy enough to wake up a perfectly peaceful and sleeping baby? A tired mommy, that’s who!

Most newborns will sleep 2, 3, or 4 hours at a stretch during the day. You want those pleasant hours to pass at night so YOU can get some rest. To accomplish this, wake up your baby every two hours or so. Move his arms and legs like he’s playing, undress him, rub his tummy, blow on his face, munch those cute cheeks and neck, talk and sing “it’s time to get up,” maybe use a cool (but not cold) washcloth on his chest and neck. Once he wakes up and gives you that squawky “Mom, leave me alone” cry, then you change his diaper. Maybe even let him cry for a couple minutes (not too long, of course) just to make sure that he’s good and awake. Then you feed him.

This can get tricky because your baby just wants to go back to sleep. As soon as you put the bottle or your breast close to his face he might drop right back into dreamland. Fight him! Tap his cheek, move his limbs, twist the bottle in his mouth – whatever you have to do to get him to finish that meal.

Within about a month (maybe less) your baby will be doing “the schedule” on his own and won’t need you to keep reminding him when it is time to eat. You’ll find that he now eats, plays, and naps about the same time every day. Slowly, his nighttime sleeping will increase until he has reached a solid 8, 10, or even 12 hours of down time. This blessedly calm night should happen before he is 3 months old, but only if you are diligent in imposing the schedule on him.

Admittedly, it is easier to get a formula-fed baby to sleep through the night than a breast milk baby, simply because formula is so much thicker and sits with the baby so much longer. I only nursed my first born for about 4 weeks before I switched to formula. I know, I know, that’s very un-politically correct of me, but it was the decision I made.

HOWEVER, before I switched to formula my son was sleeping 6 hours at a stretch at night. SIX HOURS!! And he was less than a month old. Maybe it was his temperament, but I like to think that it was me pushing him and waking him up regularly during the day. I did not nurse my daughter at all and she was sleeping 8 hours and in her own room at about 2 ½ months because of this “method.”

FYI: if you are nursing and you try to get your baby to sleep through the night, your fertility will probably return quicker. Just be aware. Postponed fertility with nursing is usually only true with frequent nursing. A 6 or 8 hour break is not frequent enough to delay the return of fertility, so be careful about getting pregnant again too soon.

Pleasant dreams!

Forward Ho!

2006-10-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Finally! Blue Eyes has been rolling around the floor for months. She has been getting everywhere that she wants to go just by turning tummy to back to tummy. She’ll roll in a big circle all around the room, under the coffee table, over to the toy box, you name it. We had almost thought that she would not learn to go forward until she got up onto her feet.

And then, this morning, I spied her. I don’t think she saw me looking at her, but I saw…she actually scooted forward. Her legs were straight (no crawling position), but she used her hands and elbows to drag herself towards a toy that was out of reach. At last, accomplishment!

Now the real question is whether she’ll show Daddy her “trick” when he gets home tonight. Fat chance! She’s a sneaky one... *smiles*

The Talker and Blue Eyes

2006-10-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

“Whad’ll ya SAY? Whad’ll ya SAY? Whad’ll ya SAY?” My 19-month old son’s words ring in my head.

The Talker has recently learned to say “please” and “thank you” (they actually sound like “pleeee” and “DA-say”). And then he started imitating the question that I ask him countless times in a day. He walks around the house, waving his hands around saying, “Whad’ll ya SAY?”
In fact, he has come to the point where he is learning new words so fast! He can sing “Alleluia,” hum “dun-dun-daaaa,” ask for a “nana” (banana), eat his “sp-GEEE” (spaghetti), say “weeee” when I drive the car on a hill, and of course call for “Mommy” and “Daddy.”

Meanwhile, Blue Eyes is the exact opposite of her brother, even at 8 months old. The Talker has always been a vocal child. He has baby-talked almost since he started to smile. Blue Eyes, on the other hand, rarely ever “talks.” She cries when she needs something, yells when she wants attention, and laughs when she’s being tickled. We don’t often get to hear her sweet little voice making “goo-goo-ga-ga” sounds. I don’t really think she gets a chance to speak with such an overbearing older brother. It sure is fun to see them growing up…and they have such a long way to go still! I’m enjoying every minute of it!

Check out pictures of my munchkins by clicking on the photos to the right.

For you Lost fans: we live for Wednesday nights!

Buried in books

2006-10-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

I love books. Really. I love, love, LOVE, love, love books. Novels, mostly. I guess I haven’t grown up enough to appreciate the non-fiction side of life. My mind just gobbles up any fantasy, mystery, romance, or classical authorship that I can get my hands on. It’s a wonderful feeling to escape from the world and become part of someone else’s. To watch the events of unreality play out before you. To feel for the characters as if you have known them your whole life. To go to places you have never been, in times that you will never experience except through the eyes (and words) of others. It’s such a thrill.
Imagine my utter glee (and minor jealousy) when my mother was given a library. Well, actually, she was given all the books in the library. My mother’s godmother started the library in a local parochial school many years ago. Recently, the school had to close and they were getting rid of all the books. My mom went to the school and took home all the books that were there for the asking. She brought home a mountain of paper and ink which she then placed into storage boxes. For several months, they have remained in storage awaiting the right time to sort through, catalogue, and organize this treasure.
I have been waiting to hear that my mom “had the time and energy” to embark on the enormous project. It is such a daunting prospect that I knew she would not enjoy doing it alone. My curiosity finally reached breaking point. I could not wait any longer to explore the priceless objects in my mother’s possession, so I volunteered to help. After all, what is more inspiring that someone else’s assistance when you have a huge project before you? For the last several weeks I have been going to my mother’s house once a week (she lives over an hour away) and helping her catalogue all the books. We spend as much time in the day as we can (i.e., as long as the kids are playing nicely) going through each book and writing out the author and title onto index cards. So far, we have processed about 600 books and we are only about half done!
We have found some amazing books. Some are out of print. Some are out of date. Some are damaged. There are mysteries, histories, biographies, poetry, classics, textbooks, sports books. All of them are unique. As we talk about what to do with the collection we always discuss how we will know what books she will want to keep. The conclusion is always the same. We will just have to read them. And we thought the cataloguing process was lengthy. Wait until we have to read over 1000 books!!

Surprising Ourselves

2006-10-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a laaaaaazy day? I mean really lazy? Sure you have, where you bum out and watch movies all day long, eat pizza while watching your third flick of the day, then call it an early evening around 9 so you can get a good night sleep. We've had those days. Lots of them, actually. But nothing can beat today.

My husband hardly ever takes a nap. Seriously. He has to be sick or pretty worn out to deprive himself of perfectly good productive daylight to catch up on zzzz's. This morning went like our usual Sunday. Hustle the kids awake, wrestle with them all through church, take hugh sighs of relief when the priest gives the final blessing and we can leave, then home for lunch. Today we had to make a small stop to buy the The Talker new shoes. (He's just growing too fast! *sigh*)

When we got home from our errand we were completely exhausted. No reason, really, just general exhaustion. We put the kids down for their naps, then we went down -- hard! All four of us slept solidly for 2 1/2 hours. When I woke up listening to Blue Eyes cooing and giggling to herself I could not believe how long it had been. In fact, as I write this, hubby and The Talker are still sleeping. I'm about to get dinner ready and wonder where the day at home with my husband has disappeared to. Oh, yeah, it went where it should go: to the blessed relief of Sunday rest.

Poopy days

2006-10-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew. Oh, and did I saw EEEEWW!! As a fairly new parent I am growing used to the learning process of raising my babies. I definitely don’t know everything and when I have to learn I am open to the challenge. For the most part, things are fairly straight forward. There are sad owie moments, there are funny ha-ha moments, there are sweet awww moments. And then, ohhhh then, there are the utterly disgusting, make you want to gag, wonder how you’ll ever get through them without your hair turning gray eeeeewwwww moments.
This morning I had my first major ew moment. After over 19 months of parenthood I have experienced my share of diaper grossness. Both of my children have, on more than one occasion, filled their diapers to overflowing with fecal matter and the clean up required plenty of wipes, a bath, and rinsing their clothes before running a cycle of wash. Today’s poop experience takes first place.
The Talker is 19 months old. He is starting to get frustrated with wearing a diaper, but he is still too young to potty train. I frequently find him reaching into his diaper to itch his bum. When I saw him doing it this morning I reacted as I usually do and told him to stop. Little did I know the damage he had already caused. He had “done his business” for the morning. You can guess what was back there when he reached to scratch. Unknown to me, he had been at this a few minutes while I was washing dishes in the other room. When I found him, there were smear marks on the walls, the couch, and all over the back of his shorts. Can you say “EW”!!! I guess he didn’t like what came out on his fingers and used any place he could find to wipe off the offensive material. Naturally, I got stuck cleaning up. Ew!!

Puppy in the Window

2006-10-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am not a dog person. Neither is my husband. Actually, we are not cat people either. Or bird people. Or hamster people. Or fish people. I guess you could say we aren’t pet people at all. There are probably many people out there who will make the claim that we are missing out on the greatest companion of a lifetime. We don’t see it that way. When both of us were growing up there were various pets in the family, but neither one of us ever felt that special bond between man and beast that turns the disinterested party into a raving fan of the species for life. In fact, before we got married we talked about pets and we pretty much decided that we would never have any. We didn’t want to get stuck picking up slack for the child who “promised” to take care of the animal and then quickly lost interest.
Our children have never really had experiences with dogs. I know, I know, they are still very young and at their ages there is not much experience to be had anyway. To be honest, I have been trying to keep them away from the canines because they are at such an impressionable age that I fear any bark or licking from these furry friends will negatively impact my young ones for life. I myself am quite hesitant around any furry creatures that make noise or have sharp extremities. It’s just a natural caution that I have which I have never desired to force away.
Imagine my husband’s and my surprise when we were walking through the mall one day with our munchkins. Blue Eyes was sitting in the stroller and The Talker was walking next to her. As we passed the pet shop, the puppies in the window became very excited. They jumped and barked and clawed at the window, wagging their tales in a blurred frenzy. I waited for a moment to see how my son would react, fully prepared to gather his frightened little self into my arms of consolation. To my surprise, he ran right up to the window and touched the glass trying to reach the puppies! He had no fear at all. In fact he was filled with fascination at these active little creatures. We did not linger long, so I am still unsure how he would have proceeded if he were allowed to touch one of them, but his initial acceptance and joy was astonishing to my husband and me.
The event has made me ponder some questions. Are we born with the desire to bond with God’s creatures? Is our fear or apprehension of any animal, therefore, a learned behavior? How does our natural trust in goodness shift so dramatically? How do I foster that natural trust so that it does not diminish with age?
Who knows. There may come a day when my husband and I have to change our minds about being “pet people”…our son might teach us a thing or two.

Grocery day

2006-10-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

Grocery day. For most people, this event is nothing more than a ritualistic gathering of food. For the at-home mom with children under school age, that half-dreaded but necessary day of the week comes too quickly. It is the day where you bravely venture forth into a land full of imminent exhaustion and continual physical demand. It is a veritable playground to your children who find every box, every can, every bag of food fascinating.
My grocery trip started simply enough. The kids were behaving well after breakfast, so I made the decision to embark on our weekly adventure. The baby sat prettily in the seat of the cart and my toddler looked comfortable sucking his thumb in the basket. The first stop: milk. An easy acquisition. The large gallons of white fluid are too heavy for my 1 year old to lift, so he was satisfied with simply pushing them around the spacious “cage.” We then added some cheese to the mix. These crinkly bags were much more fun for him to play with.
Up and down the aisles we went. He shook the cereal boxes and tapped the cans, making music with each new addition to his collection. And then it happened. I saw a great sale. I just had to buy as many cans of peaches and pears as I could. As the cans piled up, my son was elated to receive so much attention. He excitedly began arranging the items as best as he could. His thrill lasted only a few moments before he realized that his legs were practically buried in the cold metal objects. That’s when the trouble started. I still had to get through the produce section and the frozen foods before we could leave and I had a fussy toddler demanding his freedom. I did my best to re-arrange the tower of cans, but he would not be satisfied and his frustration became quite verbal.
Then the baby in front wanted to know what was going on. She turned around in her seat, saw all the goodies that her brother got to play with and she wanted one too. At only 8 months old, her little hands were too small to hold the heavy cans of food, so I was forced to give her a bag of spaghetti for entertainment. Naturally, that bag now has teeth marks along the edges from her “play.”
After grabbing the frozen pizza and ice cream we dashed for the checkout line. My son was so tired of being surrounded and limited in his movement that he started to throw things out of the cart. I had to get down and dirty with him right there in the checkout line. Finally, we made it out of the store and into the car.
Upon arriving home, I (naturally) placed the kids out of the way in the living room while I brought all the food inside. They were not too happy about being behind their security fence and I had to listen to the cries and make every attempt at consolation while bringing the food into the house. When it was all over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Remind me again…how do people say that at-home moms don’t work?

How we met - the romance story

2006-10-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

It all began on a cold and rainy night in January 2002. Well, actually, I don’t remember if it was rainy…or cold for that matter…but it did start in January. Yes, that evening I was feeling lonely, mostly because my mother had started to tease me about how long it had been since my last date. I hadn’t had a boyfriend for a year, so it had been a while since a strong arm held me and gave me a shoulder to lean on. My mom saw an ad in a newspaper for a singles website and she teased me that maybe I ought to try it. Well, I’d show her! I couldn’t take the taunts any longer and I did something that I thought was an act of desperation, although it ended in the best possible result. I signed up for an online dating service.
After five months of going on a date here and a date there without experiencing any chemistry, I got into contact with Christian. He lived in the same county as I did and we began exchanging emails. It was only a couple of days before he asked where I worked. I told him the name of the company and was completely shocked when I received a phone call a few hours later from a man named Chris who said that he had been enjoying our email conversation of the last few days. You can imagine my surprise while I am sitting at my desk, in my office, expecting a client to be on the other end of the phone. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts and place the name (I didn’t immediately grasp the nickname), and then it hit me – this guy I was emailing had looked up the phone number for my company! At first I thought, “Okay, this is a little creepy. I’m not ready for this.” But then I thought that it showed initiative and was a sign of a guy who knows what he wants.
It was a short phone call and Chris asked if he could come meet me. It turns out that his office was only 3 blocks from my office! He came over later in the afternoon and during that brief, awkward visit we exchanged phone numbers. I have a rule that guys are supposed to make the first move. So, naturally, I expected Chris to call me that evening, or the next day, to ask me on a date. I didn’t get a call. My head told me to let him go, obviously he wasn’t that interested or he would have pursued me. My gut, on the other hand, told me that there was something about him worth going after. So, I broke my own rule and called him on the third day.
Quite honestly, we had a rocky start to our relationship. I expected “Mr. Right” to sweep me off my feet with his charming and chivalrous ways. Chris was not unrefined, on the contrary he was well-spoken, energetic and funny, but he definitely needed some tweaking in the romance department. For example, during our first phone call (when I broke my rule and called him) Chris asked me if I would like to go to lunch with him that day. I was interested, so I said, “Sure, when do you want to pick me up?” It was then that he told me his car was in the shop and if I wanted to go out then I would have to pick him up. I wasn’t ready to give up my old fashioned ideals that easily, so I told him to let me know when his car was done and he could come get me for a proper date. Just a few days later we arranged our first date. He let me pick the place and we had a wonderful time at a local dinner theater.
That first date went unbelievably well. In my experience, first dates have always been uncomfortable. Whether I’ve known the guy previously or not, it’s the first time I’m with someone and have an expectation for romance. There was hardly a moment of discomfort on that first date with Chris. Even though it was only our second meeting and we had never really spoken much (our phone calls were pretty short), there was no shyness on either side. We just jumped right into conversation and there seemed to be an unending supply of subjects to discuss. We both came from large families. We had similar high school experiences. We are the same religion. We even knew many of the same people because our different high school circles intersected frequently. Imagine sitting at a table with someone whom you have never met in your life and finding out that they know half the same people as you. There was an immediate connection.
Our relationship progressed rapidly. Before that first meeting ended we had already set up our next date. It was not long (about two weeks) before we were seeing each other almost every day and Chris became a regular dinner guest at my parents’ house. Within a month we were in love with each other, and by two months we were talking about marriage.
We met in May, at the end of my junior year of college. That summer we had the best time of our lives going to baseball games, museums, movies, walking on the beach, seeing concerts, and more. When school started again our activities lessened, but since Chris was working on his master’s degree we just amended our outings around both of our homework loads. Our typical day involved work and school for both of us, then dinner with my family, followed by a few hours of studying side-by-side, and wrap it up with a pleasant evening stroll or going out for a late night drink. We would study at my house (I lived at home with my parents) and my mom used to make sarcastic comments that we needed to liven up the relationship. I guess it was pretty strange to see a couple of in love 20-somethings sitting around reading books and writing papers instead of out enjoying themselves.
On the one-year anniversary of our first date, Chris proposed. His romantic side had greatly improved since our first meeting. For this special occasion, he took me to the same beach that we walked on after our first dinner date, got down on one knee and said those magic four words I had dreamed of hearing since I was a little girl: “Will you marry me?”
Eight months and one day after his romantic question, I said “yes” again in front of 200 family members and friends. Now we have two beautiful children and we hope to have many more. My sister is now engaged to a man that she met off the very same website that brought Chris and I together. She was inspired by our success, and now has her own happy ending. And it all started with the internet…

10 Unusual Reasons to Marry a Salesman

2006-10-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, if you want to make money you’ve got to be in sales. But it’s not all peaches and roses if you are the wife of the successful (or unsuccessful) salesman. It can be a real drag to go through his fluctuating moods and the treacherous sales cycle. Or is it a drag? If you think about it, each of the reasons that you hate the sales career is really why you married your salesman to begin with and why you need each other. Here is my list of Unusual (e.g., at first they appear negative) Reasons why we women married to salesmen are (or could be) so happy:

He’s more popular than you. Everywhere you go you run into someone who knows your husband. He makes friends with all his clients, after all, that’s how he gets their business…by being friendly! When you are with him in public and you unexpectedly find yourself being introduced to a “great client,” you automatically hope that you remembered to brush your hair that morning and that the spit-up stain on your beat up tee-shirt isn’t too noticeable. You don’t want to spoil his perfect image. When the whole introduction and exchange of pleasantries is finally over your husband gives you a great big kiss and says that you were great. He talks about you all the time when he makes his sales calls and he’s glad that this particular client finally got the meet the woman behind the man. Your husband’s persuasive skills are so good that you are convinced you were an asset to him during that brief business encounter. His compliments let you know that he thinks you are beautiful no matter what.

He gets to do more fun stuff than you. Remember in high school and college how it was always the popular kids who seemed to have the most fun stuff on their calendar? Well, that’s how your husband is. There are so many people that like him and want him to show up to their office party, their after-hours beer social, their Christmas party, their kid’s birthday party, etc. Not only are you home all day, every day with the kids, but then there are times when you get “stuck” by yourself all evening while he’s out having a good time. While your one year old throws food at you during dinner and splashes so much in the bath that you come away soaked, hubby is out tossing back a cold one and talking sports with “the guys” who also happen to give him the business that feeds the family. By the time your man gets home you are so exhausted from the extra duties that you had to perform solo during the evening that you just want to relax. Being the wonderful husband that he is, your beloved takes your shoes off, gives you a nice foot rub and tells you that he left as quickly as he could because he just wanted to be home. You don’t want to believe him. You’d like to believe that he had a great time and didn’t miss you or the kids at all. But you can see it in his eyes – he’s tired from being on his best behavior all day and he misses you and the kids so much. He makes the sacrifices for YOU!

The women love him. Sometimes people (especially us women) just need someone to talk to. It feels like your husband is always “the chosen one” that women use as a confessor. They tell him their life story and most of the time it involves lots of mistakes. He listens to their woes. They rave about what a great guy he is. He asks for their business and gets it. You become suspicious of these women and their motives. In your mind, no women should spill her guts to a guy she barely knows as a business acquaintance. She must be putting the moves on him! What a slut! You have every confidence in your husband. He would never cheat on you. You don’t worry about him, but about those women and how far they will go to get his sympathy for their screwed up lives. What you don’t realize is that every time he hears a story from one of these desperate women he appreciates you so much more. He is thankful for your morality and your values. He loves your stability and your strength. Each tale of woe brings him closer to you by reminding him that you take care of him and stand by him through all the good and the bad times.

He’s so flighty. There’s always something bigger, something better, a more successful way to make money. His eyes are always looking around for a better offer and there is not really any such thing as company loyalty. He would leave for a competitor in a heartbeat if the pay was good enough. This can drive you absolutely crazy keeping up with all his latest schemes for getting rich quick. You just wish that he would slow down, focus, and spend enough time doing one thing to be successful at it. This is where you come in. He needs you. You might not think so because he acts all tough, but he does. You keep him stable. You are consistent. You are always there. Because of you, he will be cautious before making dramatic changes. He does not want to risk upsetting you. Believe it or not, he is vulnerable, and his weakness is you.

Income varies per month. Most people in this country have a steady stream of income. They go to work, do a job, get paid the same amount every week, and live off that money. The life of a salesman, though, is not that predictable. Oh, with success comes some measure of anticipations for regularity, but it can never be completely consistent. Some months he sells a lot, some months he sells a little. Every month you and he hope that his business makes just enough to cover your bills. This is an opportunity for the two of you to communicate. Out of necessity, you need to regularly discuss the incoming and the outgoing finances so that you are both in sync regarding your spending habits. You’ll find yourselves talking about money quite a lot, but both of you will know exactly what is permissible spending and what is off limits.

Reliance on the marketplace. Sometimes it just does not matter how good a salesman your husband is. If the marketplace is down, then he can’t get business no matter how hard he tries. It’s tough to get something out of zero. My husband was a title insurance sales rep for 3 years…the good years. As soon as real estate started to die locally, his business went downhill. He still knew the same people, was still as friendly and as good a salesman as ever, but there was no longer a need for his services in the same volumes as before. And since his paycheck depended on making sales, we struggled with very little pay for a while before he changed industries altogether. This can be tough on a family, but it is particularly rough on your husband who no longer has any control over his business. The plus side: you become very well educated in current market trends. Even though you are juggling kids all day you are a mommy who can carry on an intelligent conversation about the recent economy. Thank your husband for all the times he talks about work. At the time he’s saying it you do not particularly care, but later the information makes you knowledgeable and isn’t that a boost for the mommy-mush brain!

Inconsistent work schedule. Sometimes your husband will kiss you goodbye in the morning before you even have a thought of waking up, and sometimes he hangs around doing computer work at home until 10am. Sometimes he is home for dinner, sometimes he’s not. He could be home anytime between 3pm and 8pm. Maybe he eats lunch at home a few days a week, but you never know until an hour beforehand whether he will show up. What time will dinner be tonight? You call him at 4 o’clock every day to ask him. You just never know. On the other hand, he had the flexibility to arrange his schedule so he could be there for every single doctor visit while you were pregnant. When you want to take a weekend trip he gets home in the middle of the afternoon on Friday and you don’t have to worry about it cutting into his paid vacation time. After all, he can take phone calls in the car while you drive to your get-away place and not even consider it a day off. He can work from home while the kids are napping and you go to lunch with a friend. Yes, the flexible schedule definitely has its benefits.

He thinks that he is always right. In your husband’s world, people come to him for solutions to their business problems and his advice is usually heeded with the utmost respect and admiration for his ingenuity. Clients say things like, “What would we do without you?” and “You’re the best!” He thinks he will get the same treatment at home. While we love our husbands, they don’t always have a practical application for household problems that arise. When you complain about something the kids did today, or you tell him your latest challenge involving the education of your youngsters in proper manners, he offers a solution to the problem without any regard for the circumstances surrounding it. He adamantly defends his erroneous position and will not be swayed…until he tries to apply his “solution” and fails miserably. Then he tells you how smart you are for always knowing the right thing to do. He is humbled. He is apologetic. He admits his mistake. You are the queen.

He tries to sell you. Mr. Hot-Shot Top Salesman of the quarter is so confident in himself that occasionally he tries to apply his winning techniques on you. He thinks that this phrase or that leading question is just the thing to get you to change your mind on an issue and bring you around to see his point of view. Little does he know that you have steeled yourself against such mental invasion. You love him. You would do anything for him. He is your hero. You are far from being immune to his charm. But you live with the man. You know exactly what he says to try and get what he wants. He uses the same lines on his clients, but with you the effort does not yield the same result. When you know what his favorite closing line is, you will know when to roll your eyes, smile, and tell him you love him, but he’s not winning. The best part is, you can probably learn how to sell him if you pay attention. That’s a nice backup to have in case your other forms of persuasion fail…

His mood swings are legendary. And you thought women were prone to the emotional roller coaster! You never know when your husband will come home elated and on top of the world, or devastated beyond consolation. He may have finally succeeded in acquiring a new client, or he could have heard nothing but rejection for the last eight hours. This is your opportunity to shine! Yes, you’ve been busy all day too and maybe the kids were not as well behaved as you would like. But you have the power! The power to change the atmosphere of the whole house by simple welcoming your husband home with open arms, placing a warm dinner on the table, giving him a few minutes to vent his frustration, or sing his own praises, then gently changing the topic. If he had a frustrating day, those problems will disappear under your verbal caresses. You can lift his mood with a word, a glance, a smile. We women have the power!! Use it.

Child's Play

2006-10-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

I tried to tell my husband a story tonight and he took it as if World War III was upon us. Ummm…sorry honey, kids under the age of 5 just don’t understand the concept of sharing…and, no, our 1 ½ year old does not need to be firmly disciplined for taking someone else’s toy. For crying out loud, my mother and I can handle a couple of selfish toddlers perfectly well, thank you! Sometimes I just don’t think he understands our kids, or children in general for that matter. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great father. He plays with the kids, they trust him, they love him, they look forward to him being home from work. He makes them smile and laugh and he disciplines with love when necessary. But, he is quite foolish regarding the regular stages of growing up. Let me tell you what happened today.

The kiddies and I spent the day at my parents’ house. My dad was at work and I was helping my mom organize a bunch of books that she recently acquired from an old school library. My son was playing with my 3 year old (almost 4) little sister. (Yes, I have a 3 year old sister. Yes, we have the same parents…long story.)

There is a 2 year age difference between my son The Talker and my sister Blondie, and another year gap for my daughter Blue Eyes. They were all playing on the floor of the living room while my mother and I sat safely on the other side of a child gate in the kitchen sorting through the many treasures of children’s literature. Before long, Blue Eyes started to fuss. She is a very sensitive child and does not like to be left to play by herself. Even though she was surrounded by toys and two playmates, she wanted mamma and so my mom and I brought her into the kitchen with us. When I told my husband this, he thought that there was something wrong with our little girl. “Why can’t she just play with the other kids?” he asked. Then he immediately tried to figure out ways to “fix” her problem. I had to stop him short and explain that it’s just a personality thing and she’ll grow out of it (or not), but she needs time to grow up. After all, she’s only 8 months old!!

I then continued my story of the day and told my husband how The Talker and Blondie had bickered like siblings most of the day (even though they are aunt and nephew). The Talker kept taking toys from Blondie and she was not too happy about it, as you can imagine. She kept telling my mother and me that he wouldn’t share with her. Well, SHE is old enough to start being taught how to share, but my son is definitely not there yet. We had to tell her over and over again how he was just trying to play with her and he didn’t mean to make her sad. Of course, at her age, she does not understand how her nephew isn’t as smart as she is. At three years old, the whole world is three years old. It was a constant struggle through the day. Blondie played with a toy, The Talker wanted to imitate her, took it from her, and Blondie cried to mommy.
My mom and I took it all in stride and dealt with each problem calmly and as best we could. When I told my husband about though, he seemed to think that The Talker needed to learn how to share and he questioned why I didn’t come down hard on the little guy to force him to play nice. I explained that he was playing nice, as nice as he could for his age. Mr. Know-It-All, thought this was a lame excuse and started pulling memories of when he was a kid and how he “never” disobeyed his parents (yeah, right!). I don’t think hubby realized how silly he sounded quoting events that were within his memory when our son is still too young to even compare to that. Ha! I’d like to see daddy-oh try to teach our one year old how to share. Then we can talk!

Top 10 unusual reasons to stay home with children as long as possible (in no particular order)

2006-10-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

October 8, 2006

Anyone can give you 10 “nice” reasons why they stay home with their children. I won’t deny that there are many glorious rewards to being present for all the “firsts.” But today I am talking to all the skeptics. This list is for all those people who CHOOSE to work because they see more trouble than reward out of staying home. Each of these ideas revolves around an idea that is perceived to be a negative, a sacrifice that many people are unwilling to make. I am going to show you how these “negatives” aren’t really negative at all, they are the biggest positives in the list for why we at-home moms and dads do what we do.

Top 10 unusual reasons to stay home with children as long as possible (in no particular order):

Crying. That continual wailing and screaming of a newborn. The louder and more controlled manipulation of a toddler. It can really grate at your nerves and make you wonder if you will ever succeed at parenting. BUT, crying is a form of communication. A newborn cries because they need something – food, a clean diaper, snuggling. Toddlers cry because they can’t find the words yet to tell you what is wrong. Maybe they fell down, maybe they are bored and need to play. It is your challenge and duty as a parent to find the source of the displeasure and heal it. As soon as you rescue your child from their woe, you become their hero!! Do you really want someone else, your babysitter, to take your place as that esteemed person in your child’s life? Just think…you, a SUPERHERO!

Meals. You can’t tell a child to wait just a little longer for lunch. A baby, or a toddler, does not understand the concept of delayed gratification. All they know is “I’m hungry and I want food NOW!” Your day has to stop and then the feeding frenzy begins. There are spills and messes and sticky fingers to clean up and all for what? A few bites of food that could never be enough to satisfy your hunger, but somehow it completely satisfies your child. Meals are the best time for teaching your child manners and the best time for learning how to communicate. Teaching your child to say “please” before giving him Cheerios, and teaching him to say the name of his favorite food, “spaghetti,” turns this mess-fest into a memorable moment for you to treasure always.

Naptime. Ah, yes, the quiet time of day when you finally get a few minutes to yourself. But wait, before you can relax you have an unhappy, tired child who refuses to go to bed and only wants to make your “down time” difficult by proclaiming their misery at the top of their lungs. The neighbors probably hear your little one’s screams and wonder what is going on at your house, when really the only problem is that your child won’t admit he’s tired and go to sleep. Take this time before bed to talk softly to your child. Find a toy or a blanket that is reserved strictly for the time your child spends in his bed. Maybe you and he snuggle for a few minutes before the inevitable desertion in his room. One way or another, this is a battle that you win, but you win it through kindness. Why put yourself through this struggle? Because when your child wakes up you get to experience the joyful smile on his face and the fresh step in his play and that’s worth it all.

Teething. All the horror stories are true. A baby cutting teeth will scream for apparently no reason, at all times of day and night. There will be no warning, it comes and goes, and it lasts for months. Many teething babies will also get runny noses and diarrhea to accompany the ear-piercing wails of pain. You want it to stop, but you also can’t wait to drop the kid off at daycare and let someone else worry about it while you go merrily off to work. That is not the right attitude to have. If you stick out the teething at home and see the misery that your child is going through you will feel so much more triumphant when you witness the first (or second, or third) tooth finally break through those soft little gums. You will feel the exultation of “WE did it!” It is not an accomplishment that your child makes alone, but it is one that you make together as you do all that you can to sooth his pain throughout the process.

The never-ending “no.” Everyone knows that once a child learns to speak his favorite word is “no.” You tell him to come here, he says no. You tell him to eat, he says no. You tell him to get off the couch, he says no. He is pushing your buttons, he knows it, and you can’t stand it. It is much easier when you only have to fight with him in the evenings and on weekends because, ha-ha, the sitter has to deal with attitude the rest of the time. Your little one is learning his limits. He is developing his personality and it is essential that you are present for the formation that takes place during this sensitive time. If you were home with him, he would probably not behave as defiantly as he does. Why? Because he would learn what is expected of him. You’ll experience so much joy and pride when your child finally responds to you in a positive way instead of automatically rejecting your commands. You will know that he learns his behaviors from you and he wants to BE you as much as his little self can imitate.

Getting into forbidden places. Oh, how many times parents tell their children to “get away from that!!” Kitchen cupboards are always a fun place for a toddler to explore. And remember the time he crawled into the fireplace? Let’s not forget when he tried to take a wine glass out of the china hutch. Doesn’t he understand he could get hurt? NO, he doesn’t! Kids will only understand their limits if they are surrounded by the same environment. At the sitter’s they know what is fair territory and what is off-limits, but at home he gets into everything. It’s that sense of the explorer within him. He is curious about his surroundings and he wants to learn by touching and holding and, yes, even eating things that he shouldn’t. Aside from the obvious answer of getting child-proof latches, you need to be in your home to teach your child what is safe and what is not so he can learn through experience. Eventually, he will trust and obey you. When you go to a new place and he goes exploring, and you have to tell him to stay away, he will understand and you will feel relief at him finally accepting your authority.

Not doing what you want to do. You figure that you’ll stay home and get so much accomplished because you’ll have all day to do all sorts of things, and how hard could it be to watch your child play, right? Dream on! It is a very busy day taking care of children. More than likely you will put a list together for the tasks you want to do that day and only half of them will get done. You need to get used to finding accomplishment in the smallest, most menial of duties, and it is a real blow to your pride. After all, in the world of paid employment you are an important person who gets this, this, this, and that done all in one day. Not any more, though. Or so you think. How many company executives can say that they formed the mind of the future, witnessed a one-of-a-kind musical performance, and built a city all in one day? Stay-at-home moms can say all of that and more!

Repetition is boring!! Wake up, feed kids breakfast, play, feed kids lunch, naps, wake up, play, feed dinner, play, bath, bed. It’s the same thing every day…day in…day out…week after week. Sometimes you’ll decide to go to the park or to a friend’s house for a little change, but the schedule persists, even throughout small variations. It is not exciting. It is does not have surprises. It is what it is. But, your child loves it! He knows exactly what to expect every day from the time he wakes up in the morning until he goes to bed at the end of a weary day. He knows and understands what time to expect meals, when he can run around, and when it is time to cool off by reading a book. The same routine every day is boring for you, but it gives your child security. He trusts you to do the same thing today that you did yesterday and the day before and the day before. The schedule and the repetition are his friends and he loves you for them. Your reward comes when he acknowledges the schedule and goes to bed on time, because he does not know how to stay up later than usual. J

It never seems to end. You only need to stay home until your child is old enough to go to school, but you can’t get yourself to do it. Five years is such a long time and you don’t want your career to suffer because of five years of absence. You think that work can’t get along without you because you are sooooo essential to the company and to your clients. Newsflash: They will survive!! If you died tomorrow I am sure the company that you work for, the company that calls you an employee, the clients who give the company money, will manage to continue their course of operations with only a minor bump. So, if you made the right choice and stayed home with your child, they would also continue to be in existence. The work you do at home is infinitely more important than any work you could do at an office. At home, with your child, you are teaching and molding a young, impressionable mind how to think, how to act, how to speak. You are creating another you, or a better you, if that’s what you desire. The time and effort that you invest in spending most waking moments with your child will result in his being whole-heartedly devoted to you. What client is that loyal?

Money. I know, I know. You can’t afford to stay home. You need to work because you can’t keep your current lifestyle with just one income. Don’t you think your children are worth a little sacrifice? If it takes a change of lifestyle and a reduction of expenses to allow for you to be home fulltime, then make it happen! Everyone says it, and I won’t be an exception: there is no pay that could ever equal the reward that you get from being a fulltime parent. What price do you put on a smile, or a hug? How much would you exchange to be present for your baby’s first steps, first word, first song? Most of the “first’s” you can’t control and they might (and probably will) happen at the day care, when you’re not around…because you’re making money. Just think about that.